Too Little, Too Late

They always say that you shouldn’t put off for tomorrow what can & should be done today. I think that’s how the quote goes. When I got up this morning, It felt like any other day. I wished my cousin a happy birthday and left the house. I looked at Twitter and noticed that a girl I follow & know through mutual friends had mentioned that she lost her mother a year ago today. I wanted to say something to her but all I could come up with was a generic tweet…

8:32am: “With all the losses I’ve experienced… I still don’t know the right words to say to others when they lose someone. :/”

I went to work and began my shift. While away from my desk, I noticed I had a missed call and text from my cousin. As I was replying, another cousin called so I picked up & immediately I knew something was wrong. The first thing she asked was if I had spoken to my mother. My heart dropped to the floor. When I told her no… She told me that my mom had found my grandfather this morning when she woke up. He was unresponsive. See the thing is, she had just gotten up to NY from Charlotte to help take care of him. We had found out he had liver cancer literally 2 weeks ago. She and my aunt had been there around the clock since then.

It freaked me out a bit when I thought into it a little deeper. It almost seemed as if he waited until he got his two baby girls together to go in peace. I can’t imagine how my mother feels being the one to be there with him. However, I am happy that they were able to see each other before he was taken home. I won’t question God’s ways but I wish I would have done things differently. She told me to call him the day she found out but I kept putting it off. I wanted to know more about his progress and not ask too many questions. I should have. If I knew yesterday what was going to happen today, I would have done more. I’m sure he knows my heart and he knows I think about him everyday and wish I would have called. Shit just sucks.

As kids, my cousin and I were his little princesses. We always got SO excited when Grandpa Tootsie came around. Not only was he cool, he always had envelopes full of money for us. So many memories that I wish could have been more. We always spoke through emails and recently through Facebook but I never got the chance to go back to his apartment and talk. Now, that option is no longer there.

Too Little, Too Late…

If you have a relative you rarely speak to, send a text, email, call, something. You never know when your last time speaking to them will be.

Rest In Peace Newton Lightfoot or to us, Grandpa Toostie