Something Like A Dear John Letter

Its been a while but… Im back, Sorta.

I’m sure this isn't how it was suppose to be.
We're in this room, face to face with passion filled eyes, pleasure running through our veins.
What are the consequences? 
Lets just cross that bridge when we get there.
Right now, I'm just reaping the rewards.
Do we continue "this" or go back to "normal"?
What does normal even mean anymore? 
The 1st time it felt so right. Like nothing can come between us. Nothing came between us but we came. .
At that moment be became closer than ever.
But was it worth it?
Is more than “this friendship” really our purpose?
Let's get in this bed we made together.
Get close. Now it's me & you.
There’s no title but we understand.
I think the feeling is mutual.
Correct me if I'm incorrect.
The next time.... It felt real.
One time isn't fine with me.
We had time.
Time to explore. Time to talk. Time to feel. Time to play.
No wrong can be done. All is well in the world.
Before I knew it... You were gone.
Missing without a trace.
Was it something I said??
Look me in my face.
Same sad love song.
Separate ways sometimes make for better days.
Let's agree to disagree & make "this" thing history.

Too Little, Too Late

They always say that you shouldn’t put off for tomorrow what can & should be done today. I think that’s how the quote goes. When I got up this morning, It felt like any other day. I wished my cousin a happy birthday and left the house. I looked at Twitter and noticed that a girl I follow & know through mutual friends had mentioned that she lost her mother a year ago today. I wanted to say something to her but all I could come up with was a generic tweet…

8:32am: “With all the losses I’ve experienced… I still don’t know the right words to say to others when they lose someone. :/”

I went to work and began my shift. While away from my desk, I noticed I had a missed call and text from my cousin. As I was replying, another cousin called so I picked up & immediately I knew something was wrong. The first thing she asked was if I had spoken to my mother. My heart dropped to the floor. When I told her no… She told me that my mom had found my grandfather this morning when she woke up. He was unresponsive. See the thing is, she had just gotten up to NY from Charlotte to help take care of him. We had found out he had liver cancer literally 2 weeks ago. She and my aunt had been there around the clock since then.

It freaked me out a bit when I thought into it a little deeper. It almost seemed as if he waited until he got his two baby girls together to go in peace. I can’t imagine how my mother feels being the one to be there with him. However, I am happy that they were able to see each other before he was taken home. I won’t question God’s ways but I wish I would have done things differently. She told me to call him the day she found out but I kept putting it off. I wanted to know more about his progress and not ask too many questions. I should have. If I knew yesterday what was going to happen today, I would have done more. I’m sure he knows my heart and he knows I think about him everyday and wish I would have called. Shit just sucks.

As kids, my cousin and I were his little princesses. We always got SO excited when Grandpa Tootsie came around. Not only was he cool, he always had envelopes full of money for us. So many memories that I wish could have been more. We always spoke through emails and recently through Facebook but I never got the chance to go back to his apartment and talk. Now, that option is no longer there.

Too Little, Too Late…

If you have a relative you rarely speak to, send a text, email, call, something. You never know when your last time speaking to them will be.

Rest In Peace Newton Lightfoot or to us, Grandpa Toostie

Drowned

I keep asking

You keep yelling

I'm just speaking

You're just yelling

Eyes start to well

I have no choice

Tears start to roll

When u raise your voice

All out of things to say

This bridge must be burned

No more tolls to pay

Just life lessons learned

Like a thief in the night

You stole my heart and ran

I tried to put up a fight

This wasn't apart of the plan

Leave me be

Put my heart down

Its thrown out to sea

Just let this love drown

No Love Lost

I finally got another hit of my preferred drug of choice... Ink. I think about each of my pieces before I get it done so I make sure they are all meaningful. Haven't been disappointed yet.
On another random trip to South Beach, I ended up in a tattoo shop once again. This is the outcome...

Gone...

Its what u know best.... Lie, cheat & deceive...
U tell so many lies, I think I'm starting to believe.
The more I think about it, I see it's you I don't need.
No more love locked down, it's time to break free.
Free from your control, free from your reign.
Free to the heartache, free from the pain.
Free from the bullshit free from times u said you'd change.
Free from letting me down. Free from the same old same.
Do u even feel guilty or is it just another day?
U don't get tired of these games that u play?
U can apologize but that won't  make it okay.
U can wipe away my tears but it won't take them away.
What it once was may be gone but not forgotten.
Let me salvage what's left I this heart turned rotten.

Excuses

Excuse the excuses..
Many words so useless..
I would've said yes but the honest to goodness truth is...
I was only playing, never knew it'd come to THIS..
Trying to make it painless, I'm really not so ruthless..
It's sorta complicated but I'm trying to make this lucid..
Gotta let it go, this here is so stupid..
You got hit with a stray arrow, I say we just blame Cupid..
What I've been trying to say is "It's not YOU, Its ME"..
I flip flop back and forth, Ain't it plain to see?
The girl you really want is not who's lives in me..
I'll only weigh you down, just set yourself free..
I'm not the one for you, you need someone better..
That's the easy way out, no thinking of something clever..
Never answer calls, I rather write you this letter..
You want to hang out but I'm available next never..
No one is wrong, no one is right..
I say we just be cool, no need for the fight..
We just wont "BE".. Not a vision in sight..
Do your thing, be happy.. Let your jet take flight..
Excuse the excuses..
Many words so useless
My Bad...

@SahSah2Real - A Cry For Change

One thing that I always say I respect about this man, regardless of anything that goes on, he always stays true to himself. In the year or two that I've know him, he's always been in his own lane and NEVER follows what trend these other rappers be on. Im not knocking anyone's hustle but originality will take you far. People don't want to ALWAYS hear about hoes and money because in reality, everybody doesn't have it so they need something they can relate to.

This dropped today and I think it was his 1st Spoken Word type recording. I love it. Great job! Some people need to hear it. Hopefully, It reaches the right people/person.

@SahSah2Real
@SahSahWorld

Link Below:
Listen & Download: A Cry For Change