Tainted

Love once so innocent. So pure. So genuine.

Now so tainted. So evil. So detrimental.

Much of a burden.

All love isn't “good love”. I don’t need THAT love.

Let me live. Let me breathe. Let me prosper & be happy.

Please.

Love like life depends on it.

It does. Just not ours.

Something we’ve longed for & never wanted to forget.

Something so powerful. Moving mountains was a breeze.

Sudden change.

Air turned still. Nights got cold. Skies turned gray.

Prepare for this storm.

Feels the wrath.

No love like that of a Wo(man) scorned.

You don’t always get what you put in or what you want.

But you WILL get something, nonetheless.

Lessons may be the greatest.

When we walk away from each other, don’t make this hard.

Don’t kill me. I don’t want to die.

Just as those before & after me, let me live.

Move on & keep moving.

Become idle at your own risk.

Lets not blame. Lets not point. Lets love..

Lets love someone other than each other.

Let me love me first.

Priority.

Tainted as can be, I’ll still love after you as I did before.

Just one step closer to the one who was made for me.

Have I already met my match or is that who is coming up behind you?

Don’t block my view.

Let me live.

So tainted yet the next one wont pay for your mistakes.

Love.

Something Like A Dear John Letter

Its been a while but… Im back, Sorta.

I’m sure this isn't how it was suppose to be.
We're in this room, face to face with passion filled eyes, pleasure running through our veins.
What are the consequences? 
Lets just cross that bridge when we get there.
Right now, I'm just reaping the rewards.
Do we continue "this" or go back to "normal"?
What does normal even mean anymore? 
The 1st time it felt so right. Like nothing can come between us. Nothing came between us but we came. .
At that moment be became closer than ever.
But was it worth it?
Is more than “this friendship” really our purpose?
Let's get in this bed we made together.
Get close. Now it's me & you.
There’s no title but we understand.
I think the feeling is mutual.
Correct me if I'm incorrect.
The next time.... It felt real.
One time isn't fine with me.
We had time.
Time to explore. Time to talk. Time to feel. Time to play.
No wrong can be done. All is well in the world.
Before I knew it... You were gone.
Missing without a trace.
Was it something I said??
Look me in my face.
Same sad love song.
Separate ways sometimes make for better days.
Let's agree to disagree & make "this" thing history.

Drowned

I keep asking

You keep yelling

I'm just speaking

You're just yelling

Eyes start to well

I have no choice

Tears start to roll

When u raise your voice

All out of things to say

This bridge must be burned

No more tolls to pay

Just life lessons learned

Like a thief in the night

You stole my heart and ran

I tried to put up a fight

This wasn't apart of the plan

Leave me be

Put my heart down

Its thrown out to sea

Just let this love drown

Gone...

Its what u know best.... Lie, cheat & deceive...
U tell so many lies, I think I'm starting to believe.
The more I think about it, I see it's you I don't need.
No more love locked down, it's time to break free.
Free from your control, free from your reign.
Free to the heartache, free from the pain.
Free from the bullshit free from times u said you'd change.
Free from letting me down. Free from the same old same.
Do u even feel guilty or is it just another day?
U don't get tired of these games that u play?
U can apologize but that won't  make it okay.
U can wipe away my tears but it won't take them away.
What it once was may be gone but not forgotten.
Let me salvage what's left I this heart turned rotten.

L.O.Y.A.L.T.Y.

Listen to me when I say, this shit doesn’t come easy. Before you find the right one, a few have to do you greasy. The shock leaves you stuck, no air, a lot of wheezing. Then You pick it all apart and try to find a valid reason.


One time, you’re the fool. More than that, its on me. Everything is “I, I, I” when it used to be all “We”. Eyes wide shut, having visions but cant see. Now the picture’s getting clearer and U know this wont be.


You lead me on each waking day & each sleeping night. Should’ve followed my gut when I felt this wasn’t right. Will you miss me if I’m gone? Out of mind when out of sight. I can stay and roll around but those fleas always bite.


A lot of mixed signals, things aint always what they seem. This over drawn nightmare has killed my last dream. There is never the option of jumping team to team. But you’re riding on the fence, walking on a thin beam.


Like we’ve never met before, you treat me like a stranger.What we once had, is now in complete danger. So many words can be used to express this wild anger. We need to hang it up quick, somebody go get a hanger.


Time after time after time, we keep reliving the drama. Then hearts get hurt & put through severe trauma. I knew it was a bad thing, shoulda listened to my momma. Shits getting too hot, every convo is a sauna.


You’re full of run on sentences, Its really annoying me. You don’t do shit to be treated like royalty. Live & you learn, sometimes you gotta let it be. Now tell me what the fck you people know about LOYALTY??

Ending

What woulda been, coulda been, but never really shoulda been
He claimed that I’ll never find another who’s as good as him
That’s a risk I’ll have to take cuz was this really worth it?
I gave you all my heart and all you did was broke it
Hoping we could fix it but its just no use
Let’s wave the white flag and call it a truce
The more I think of it, the more I get angry
I gave you the rope not knowing you’d really hang me
We should have stopped long ago, before we got hurt
Despite the obvious signs, we still tried to make it work
Can’t say we didn’t try to keep this love strong
Instead we point fingers and say the other was wrong.

Break Up Song…

“Its Over. She Got Colder Now. Can’t Locate Where Her Heart Is…”

No

matter how long it’s been, I think the hardest part of breaking up is having to meet someone new. I guess we become so content with the person we’ve been with and really don’t care to add anything to the mix while we’re subtracting. If it was up to me, I’d talk to the same person forever. Not because I’m anti-social but more because I like some level of uniformity and consistency. But then again, I guess that’s why people get married. *shrugs*

Example: I’ve met probably a half dozen people since my official break up with E*A & guess what… They all suck for the most part. Its not that I don’t take people seriously… well maybe that is my problem. lol. If I can’t have the real thing, I still wont settle for less. Not trying to compare anyone but thinking realistically, Who the hell wants to downgrade by THAT much??

No offense but when you’re used to certain things, It’s kinda hard to just go with out. Maybe that’s what I need though. Maybe I’m supposed to switch it up and move on to something fresh and new. If you know me & knew the situation, you know that there’s a certain level of respect and love that can never be lost for this man. So when I say ((o9.2o.o5)), It’s more than just a date.

So when I hear Wale’s ((Break Up Song)) It touches a certain spot. If you don’t like it… I don’t give a damn! *Pops Voice* Anyway… Part of me wishes things were better. The other part wants to not care. Another part is just confused. #JudgeMeIfUWant But who da fugg is you?!

((No Love Lost))

I’ll Be Moving On…

I’ll keep this short and sweet…
Ok… This may be long over due but I operate on my OWN terms. I think I’m FINALLY ready to let go of the past. I’m not going to go into details but just know it’s worth it. I’m an understanding and forgiving person but I’m not going to waste valuable time on something that not there. SO with THAT being said,

“I wish you well. I wish you wealth. I wish you life. I wish you health. I wish you right, cuz I aint wrong. & You the reason why I wrote this fuxxin’ song!”

Now Playing: Ghost Wridah ((Kill You In My Nightmares))

My Night With A Maniac

Some of u may sorta know this story since I was tweeting as it was happening. But in case you’re wondering how the hell it happened… Like to hear it, here it go…

In efforts of making that “Long Kiss Goodnight” a reality, I agree to go “walk and talk”. We haven’t been face to face since about Sept/Oct. He’s usually out of the country working. I’m on my own schedule. Etc. I mean, I already knew it was gonna be some bullshit since that’s the norm but whatever, It was worth a shot. Fast Forward.. Park the car. Pizza. Cross street. Beach. So I sit on the wall & start eating my pizza. I guess I wasn’t being affectionate because someone had their boxers all in a bunch. 

Honestly, I hold no punches when it comes 2 this person. We’ll call him.. SB. The amount of things we’ve gone through surpasses things I’ve ever imagined. And this is only in the 2years that we’ve been dealing with each other. So SB decides to ask a question. I didn’t want to answer. THATS where it all started. I don’t owe ANYONE ANY explanations. So he gets all angry and says if I walk away, its gonna be for good. Was that supposed to make me want to answer the question?? #FAIL. That was fuel to my fire.

So I’m walking towards the car but I continue past the parking lot, Onto East Sunrise Blvd. I stayed on the Eastbound side so he cant pull over. *Phone rings* IGNORE (repeat 5times). I stop halfway across the bridge and take a minute to look at the scenery. Finally, I answer the phone & agree to cross over. I get in the car and we begin driving. He starts talkin shit so i keep sayin let me out. Instead of going i95 N.. He decides to go south. “I hope whatever nigga just called u finna pick u up from Down South.. & by that I mean the Grove” Then he sayin 163rd… Then he tries 2b funny & say Biscayne & 79th (–_-) So I already have somebody lined up 2scoop.

We pull over off Hallandale & i say let me out @ the RaceTrack. I jump out & walk inside. Call my cousin. *phone rings, SB Calling* IGNORE (repeat 3times) He wants me 2get back in the car. I say no & if he wants to talk he needs to come 2the front of the store. “What u think imma beat u up or something??” No that’s besides the point, this shit aint on his time. No store, no talk. He comes & guess what… YUUUP, u guessed it.. I went OFF on that ass. So as I’m BLACKIN on his life, a car pulls up & they just wait & watch & laugh. At this point I didnt even care. SB says he was gonna take me 2 his ppl house so they can see me cuz they miss me. He gets teary eyed with his cry baby ass & FINALLY I tell him I’ll get in the car if I drive. *Making our way back to Lauderdale* Words are exchanged and we get to the house. We park & I have 3 dangerous, concerned people outside. They wait. We sit. Everything is under control. I get out. He drives off.

Guys, dudes, males, men whatever… need to figure out a better way to channel their emotions & feelings. Kidnapping your ex-girlfriend is NOT the best way to go about it. Especially if you’re not even supposed 2b driving!!

At no point did I fear for my life or safety. This ninja aint stupid. I was ok. It was just aggravating as hell… as usual. If I felt some type of way, i definitely would’ve been on the phone with BSO instead of Twitter. & No.. There hasn’t been any contact since that night.

And the moral of the story is…

If U Don’t Know, Now U Know You’re Gonna Miss (My Love) & I Aint Stressin Bout A Doggone Thing Cuz I Was True When I Gave U (My Love) If U Search U Will NEVER Find Another Love Like ( My Love). You’re Gonna Miss Me. I Aint Got Time While U Sit Around & Play With (My Love).

FIN

P.S. I might’ve 4got some parts but *shrugs* ya’ll get the picture. Lol

Long Kiss Goodnight…

“It was all good just a week ago” – the phrase that sums up each & every week that passed us by. No regrets, just lessons learned. THAT’S how I feel about our “situation”. It shouldn’t even be a situation anymore. The “WE” we once were, has deteriorated. Lies, Lies & More Lies. The foundation of this relationship was built on lies. One honest part was the fun we had together. LOTS of fun. Endless fun. So, when I got "HIS” call yesterday, It was bitter sweet. You know how you have such strong feelings for someone but know it will never work? That cant let that be your only reason for picking up. You know what, I picked up anyway. JUST to see what he had to say. Break ups to make ups, as usual. As Toni Braxton would say, “Just another sad love song, wrecking my brain like crazy.” Every time, It’s the SAME shit. Why did you talk back to him? Why can’t we be together? Why don’t you believe me? Why this? Why that? Hang up, Call back. Repeat as necessary.
You know what – I’m over it. I need to think about me. Yes, there was significant time & money put into this but I’m prepared to charge it ALL to The Game. It’s just not worth it. This is just scratching the surface. No where near how deep it really was.
What this means for HIM??
No more late nights. No more dinners. No more Marriott. No more beach. No more road trips. No more court dates. No more bullshit. No more “US”.
I guess for me, It means - I have MY life back.
Of course it hurts, but it’s a small price to pay for what would be in store for the future. I’m moving on to bigger & better things.
That’s a Summer With Miami.
To you, My Love, This is my long LAST kiss Goodnight…
*sign of relief*

Love Lost

Its crazy how there's always a song that basically describes our exact emotions. To the point where you're wondering how the hell someone can be feeling the same way that you are. Scary, I know. lol




Reminiscing, I remember me and you we used to play with the dogs
While you were sleep iI'd stare, stare while you lay in my arms
And now im stuck on stupid rain forrest couldnt get wetter than you get
I used to beat it up you gave me your love I abused it now im facing the music

Oh how I yearn for your touch
I'm so lonely now that you left me
If I could run away you know I would
And I'm hurtin cause girl I never loved you like I should

When your love is lost
Your whole worlds thrown off
When the one you need dont need you
What do you do, when love is lost?

I was trippin wouldn't listen now I'm sitting sipping shots at the bar
Now im riding to the 90's hits listening to Aerosmith
"I dont wanna close my eyes
Don't wanna fall asleep "
Tell me how I can I be fly without the wind beneath my wings

Oh how I yearn for your touch im so lonely now that you left me
If I could run away you know I would
And im hurtin cause girl I never loved you like I should

When your love is lost
Your whole worlds thrown off
When the one you need dont need you
What do you do, when love is lost?

And now I see
The man you need
When I look into the mirror I see change
And I close my eyes and wish you could see the same
But its too late

When your love is lost
Your whole worlds thrown off
When the one you need don't need you
What do you do?
When your love is lost
Your whole worlds thrown off
When the one you need dont need you
What do you do, when love is lost?

Lost gone out the window
When love is lost
Lost can't see your love no more
When the one you need don't need you
What do you do, when love is lost?