Better Left Unsaid

Think about all of the words that you've worked so hard to put into sentences, to make sense, to explain how you feel. You see all of those words? Save them. Save them for the day that they're needed. Save them for a situation that's well fitted. Save them for eternity.

Not to sound like a bitch but sometimes we talk too much. Depending on the situation, these words that you've taken all of this time to situate may hurt more than help. Let's sit back and think about it for a minute. What will it do to us? What will it bring? What will it ruin? Let's not. Not now. Not ever, possibly.

Maybe those lines have been blurred for a reason. Don't fix what's not broken right? But what if it could be better? More questions that we need not answer. More emotional soup that need not be stirred. More of everything that we don't not want. Double negative placement.

Is it for you or for me because this can't be for us. Nothing thus far has led me to believe that this is right. It doesn't even feel right. We become selfish and engulfed in our own fantasies and wishes that we forget that there is another person who may suffer from our wants.

Speak your mind, they said. It will help, they said. It didn't. Now we're stuck in an awkward place that no one knows how to escape. I’m not running. I'm just not going in that direction.

Can we think about ME for a second? How am I going to feel? How am I supposed to continue as "normal"? What the fuck is normal anyway? It wouldn't be fair to say you want to see someone happy but you aren't happy with what could possibly make them happy since it doesn't make YOU happy. If that makes sense.

Let's just leave it where it lies and go in a direction that leaves clarity and understanding.

Something Like A Dear John Letter

Its been a while but… Im back, Sorta.

I’m sure this isn't how it was suppose to be.
We're in this room, face to face with passion filled eyes, pleasure running through our veins.
What are the consequences? 
Lets just cross that bridge when we get there.
Right now, I'm just reaping the rewards.
Do we continue "this" or go back to "normal"?
What does normal even mean anymore? 
The 1st time it felt so right. Like nothing can come between us. Nothing came between us but we came. .
At that moment be became closer than ever.
But was it worth it?
Is more than “this friendship” really our purpose?
Let's get in this bed we made together.
Get close. Now it's me & you.
There’s no title but we understand.
I think the feeling is mutual.
Correct me if I'm incorrect.
The next time.... It felt real.
One time isn't fine with me.
We had time.
Time to explore. Time to talk. Time to feel. Time to play.
No wrong can be done. All is well in the world.
Before I knew it... You were gone.
Missing without a trace.
Was it something I said??
Look me in my face.
Same sad love song.
Separate ways sometimes make for better days.
Let's agree to disagree & make "this" thing history.

Drowned

I keep asking

You keep yelling

I'm just speaking

You're just yelling

Eyes start to well

I have no choice

Tears start to roll

When u raise your voice

All out of things to say

This bridge must be burned

No more tolls to pay

Just life lessons learned

Like a thief in the night

You stole my heart and ran

I tried to put up a fight

This wasn't apart of the plan

Leave me be

Put my heart down

Its thrown out to sea

Just let this love drown

Gone...

Its what u know best.... Lie, cheat & deceive...
U tell so many lies, I think I'm starting to believe.
The more I think about it, I see it's you I don't need.
No more love locked down, it's time to break free.
Free from your control, free from your reign.
Free to the heartache, free from the pain.
Free from the bullshit free from times u said you'd change.
Free from letting me down. Free from the same old same.
Do u even feel guilty or is it just another day?
U don't get tired of these games that u play?
U can apologize but that won't  make it okay.
U can wipe away my tears but it won't take them away.
What it once was may be gone but not forgotten.
Let me salvage what's left I this heart turned rotten.

Excuses

Excuse the excuses..
Many words so useless..
I would've said yes but the honest to goodness truth is...
I was only playing, never knew it'd come to THIS..
Trying to make it painless, I'm really not so ruthless..
It's sorta complicated but I'm trying to make this lucid..
Gotta let it go, this here is so stupid..
You got hit with a stray arrow, I say we just blame Cupid..
What I've been trying to say is "It's not YOU, Its ME"..
I flip flop back and forth, Ain't it plain to see?
The girl you really want is not who's lives in me..
I'll only weigh you down, just set yourself free..
I'm not the one for you, you need someone better..
That's the easy way out, no thinking of something clever..
Never answer calls, I rather write you this letter..
You want to hang out but I'm available next never..
No one is wrong, no one is right..
I say we just be cool, no need for the fight..
We just wont "BE".. Not a vision in sight..
Do your thing, be happy.. Let your jet take flight..
Excuse the excuses..
Many words so useless
My Bad...

The Journey...

U can't just tell me, u gon have to show me..
But Not too quick, explore my body slowly..
You're G5 flyin, I have a strip for u to land on..
No formal training, you gon learn this lesson Hands On..
U tell me that u want it & show me that u like it..
Come & sip this love punch, I promise not to spike it..
Slow it down then speed it up, I like this change of pace..
No hiding behind pillows, you want to see this face..
Love faces gon wild, mind blown, I'm in extasy..
I love it when u give your all while sexing me..
Turn around, toot it up. I can handle what u slangin..
Intense.. So serious, I can tell you aint playin..
Climax, there it is.. We get up & go shower..
Rest up, have a drink then back at it in an hour..

L.O.Y.A.L.T.Y.

Listen to me when I say, this shit doesn’t come easy. Before you find the right one, a few have to do you greasy. The shock leaves you stuck, no air, a lot of wheezing. Then You pick it all apart and try to find a valid reason.


One time, you’re the fool. More than that, its on me. Everything is “I, I, I” when it used to be all “We”. Eyes wide shut, having visions but cant see. Now the picture’s getting clearer and U know this wont be.


You lead me on each waking day & each sleeping night. Should’ve followed my gut when I felt this wasn’t right. Will you miss me if I’m gone? Out of mind when out of sight. I can stay and roll around but those fleas always bite.


A lot of mixed signals, things aint always what they seem. This over drawn nightmare has killed my last dream. There is never the option of jumping team to team. But you’re riding on the fence, walking on a thin beam.


Like we’ve never met before, you treat me like a stranger.What we once had, is now in complete danger. So many words can be used to express this wild anger. We need to hang it up quick, somebody go get a hanger.


Time after time after time, we keep reliving the drama. Then hearts get hurt & put through severe trauma. I knew it was a bad thing, shoulda listened to my momma. Shits getting too hot, every convo is a sauna.


You’re full of run on sentences, Its really annoying me. You don’t do shit to be treated like royalty. Live & you learn, sometimes you gotta let it be. Now tell me what the fck you people know about LOYALTY??

Inferno…

** Bored at work yesterday and this just came to mind… Nothing all wordy or fancy.. just Real Rap Raw! lol.

When things simmer down, they add fuel to the fire.
I hope you find the attention that you crave & desire.
Its not something brand new, there's been situations prior.
I won't dress this up, No ecclesiastical attire.
We live & let go, there's no reason to hold fast
Time is of the essence, no dwelling on the past
Some things are better broken, no need for the cast
The once beautiful window is now shattered glass.
Its no price of friendship but is sure aint free.
It costs to be the boss & it sure aint cheap.
Be careful what you say, for the wrong words may seep
What you've worked so hard for, may end up floating in the deep.
You win some, you lose some. Life's a constant gamble.
Its never really smart to bite off more than you can handle.
The letters are there, like the soup from Campbell's.
But as easy as you've made it, things can end up in shambles.
I haven't said much, I've learned verbal restraint.
There are no hard feelings, & not complaint.
Nobody is perfect, I never claimed to be a saint.
No 3-second violations, so get out of the paint.

The Victim...

He wrote you love letters, you got mad so you ripped them.
You hit that man 1st, then you went and cried victim.
Shot him with his gun, got scared then you switched them.
He begged for your help, fell down and you kicked him.

You never told him about the fake plans that you had.
That you'd use him like a trend, til the end of the "fad".
Each "good thing" had an underlying bad.
Or that you didnt care about his feelings, Fck if he was sad.

When they came for the interview you only said the half.
You told them about the work and everywhere he hid his stash.
About the late night runs, on the way to the cash.
How'd he'd run up in the spot, stick em up & then dash.

You failed to tell the part that you kept a bunch of money
How he took you out the hood, kept you from lookin bummy.
This shit cant be real, not the least bit funny.
A life you learned to love and now you made him the test dummy.

These bitches WILL lie, anything to save face.
Eating with dirty money but you forgot to say grace.
Moving a little too fast, slow down, watch your pace.
This is a cut throat world, everyone wants to win this race.

But when its all said and done, he had no chance in this fight.
You never did say how you'd give that "Long Kiss Goodnight".
What goes around comes around. Hope you're ready for that bite.
But YOU'RE once again The Victim so we both know you're right.

The Pleasure Was All Mine...

I can honestly say I'm disgusted with certain people who are in my life. That goes for family and "friends" alike The difference is, I didnt have an option with family. Friends... that's all me so you live and you learn.

What I don't like is when you help someone and make a big deal about it. Some people can only repay you what you gave them or a sincere "Thank you" and life long friendship. Anything more is pushing it.  If you're going to complain about helping people or expect a fcking parade, you have life all misconstrued. When most people are in need, they simply go without. In certain cases, your help is vital for their survival. You bragging about it only makes people wonder if you do things just to talk about it or to throw it in someones face. Most of the favors or helping hands I lend are forgotten. I don't log it, I just do it and continue with my life. That's how it should be. Everyone is not like me though. I help people because I'm a kind-hearted person and I want to see people do better. 

In a nut-shell.. Thanks for the "favors" or helping hands. Your assistance is no longer needed or wanted.

Don't be shady! Don't complain! Or simply Don't do any favors!

You'll probably mess up your own blessings but who's blessings I know??

People will probably snitch and/or think this is about them but who fcking cares?

The Pleasure Was All Mine...  Bump you & Good Day!

*Drops Mic*

Ending

What woulda been, coulda been, but never really shoulda been
He claimed that I’ll never find another who’s as good as him
That’s a risk I’ll have to take cuz was this really worth it?
I gave you all my heart and all you did was broke it
Hoping we could fix it but its just no use
Let’s wave the white flag and call it a truce
The more I think of it, the more I get angry
I gave you the rope not knowing you’d really hang me
We should have stopped long ago, before we got hurt
Despite the obvious signs, we still tried to make it work
Can’t say we didn’t try to keep this love strong
Instead we point fingers and say the other was wrong.

Remember That Night?

Just some random thing I was writing at the beach last night.. 


Remember That Night?
You Know, The One Where We Stayed Late
We Watched The Stars, The Waves..

Remember That Night?
You Looked Into My Eyes & Smiled
You Said Everything Would Be Ok One Of These Days


Remember That Night?
Together Forever, Through Anything
We Lay There As One, Our Feet In The Sand

Remember That Night?
We Made This Thing Offical.. FINALLY!
I'd Be Your Lady, You'd Be My Man

Remember That Night?
The One When We Were Supposed To Stay Together
Wake Up, Curtains Open, Gazing At The Ocean

Remember That Night?
We Had Dinner In Bed
This Night Is Going Faster Than Was Hoping


Remember That Night?
We Woke Up The Next Day, All Smiles
No Words Exchanged, Just Sat There Speechless

Remember That Night?
We Hugged & Kissed Like It Was Over
We Shall Return Soon, This Is One Of My Favorite Beaches

Until Then... Remember THAT Night?

Tis’ The Season…

As Christmas approaches, I can’t help but to think of my blessings. Of course I’m not as hyped up about Christmas like when I was a kid but it does bring back a lot of memories. And eff it… who doesn’t love presents?? As we know, many are unable to celebrate with gifts etc etc because they can’t afford it. I respect people who put their priorities in order. That’s the adult thing to do.

More often than not, we take the small luxuries we have for granted. When I had a car… I used to put major miles on it. I was paying for it so sh*t… Why not?? Now that I don’t have one at the moment.. Its hard but I don’t NEED a vehicle to survive. Its just a matter of convenience. As long as I can get to work and back, I really don’t care. People complain about how hot somebodies house is but think about the winter months and people who will damn near freeze to death because there is no heat.

I think about things like this on a regular but what REALLY made me was the fact that I sat in Miami Subs today after work and picked at my crispy chicken platter. After about 20mins, I ended up throwing away most of the chicken. As soon as I walked outside, I realized there was the homeless man that’s always on 6th ave & 167th. I’m sure he would have loved the food. No to mention its like 40 degrees outside. I felt like absolute crap. So… instead of saying “Next time” I called him over and asked if he had dinner. He said no so I took him in Miami subs for something to eat. When I came back, the staff was asking if I forgot something or needed something else. I just said no & gave the guy the meal ticket. As I walked out the door, one of the cooks stopped me and said “Thank you, I don’t know of ANY young person who has or will do something like that. You have a good heart.” We spoke for a few minutes and I was on my way down 6th.

The moral of the story is what good is it having money or life’s luxuries if you are selfish? I’m not rich by far but I do have a job and $5 is not going to break my pockets.

Happy Holidays to all.

-Chan

Hate To See You Smile

Its sad when people who you thought were on your team are secretly against you. Of course everyone wont agree with your actions and choices but who are they to talk shit in the first place? What have you done in life that makes you an expert or even worthy of commenting in such a way? THIS is why I live for ME. THIS is why I don’t talk to a lot of people on certain levels. People wonder why I’m distant. Wonder why I stay to myself a lot of the time. Wonder why we never have anything to talk about. Some people are only happy for you when their own lives are going the way they want it to. That’s messed up. If you’re going to be down for me.. it should be done regardless of how sucky your life is at the moment. If you wasn’t so busy being a Negative Nelly, you might’ve been able to feed off of my drive, success and life lessons.

Positive + Positive = Positive. Simple math.

The moral of the story is:

I need LOYALTY on my team. Don’t Be A Hater, Hooeeaahhh!!

Break Up Song…

“Its Over. She Got Colder Now. Can’t Locate Where Her Heart Is…”

No

matter how long it’s been, I think the hardest part of breaking up is having to meet someone new. I guess we become so content with the person we’ve been with and really don’t care to add anything to the mix while we’re subtracting. If it was up to me, I’d talk to the same person forever. Not because I’m anti-social but more because I like some level of uniformity and consistency. But then again, I guess that’s why people get married. *shrugs*

Example: I’ve met probably a half dozen people since my official break up with E*A & guess what… They all suck for the most part. Its not that I don’t take people seriously… well maybe that is my problem. lol. If I can’t have the real thing, I still wont settle for less. Not trying to compare anyone but thinking realistically, Who the hell wants to downgrade by THAT much??

No offense but when you’re used to certain things, It’s kinda hard to just go with out. Maybe that’s what I need though. Maybe I’m supposed to switch it up and move on to something fresh and new. If you know me & knew the situation, you know that there’s a certain level of respect and love that can never be lost for this man. So when I say ((o9.2o.o5)), It’s more than just a date.

So when I hear Wale’s ((Break Up Song)) It touches a certain spot. If you don’t like it… I don’t give a damn! *Pops Voice* Anyway… Part of me wishes things were better. The other part wants to not care. Another part is just confused. #JudgeMeIfUWant But who da fugg is you?!

((No Love Lost))

Tonight… I Cried

I don’t think I’ve ever been much of a cry baby since I left elementary school. I’ve always had this “tough as nails” attitude. I guess that’s the Cancer in me. And this year, apparently I was a Leo also so we know how Leo’s are. lol. Well anyway.. I had a long talk with one of the most important people in my life… Chanda. If you can’t put two and two together (Chan…) we’re first cousins on my dad’s side. We speak often but not as often as we should. So when we do speak, its usually a lot to go over. Well with all the catching up we did, I got a bit emotional. Mainly because the story I was telling her Hurt. I guess when you say things out loud, It’s a lot more different than when you are going over it in your head. It felt good though. I keep a smile on my face because I have a lot to be thankful for and a lot to look forward to in life. I don’t purposely “bottle up” my feelings, It’s just me. No need in crying to any and everyone who will listen. I’d rather talk about music or something entertaining. Venting is good for me though. That’s how I got into writing poems and little raps when I was younger. I haven’t in a good while but soon, I’ll start back up. Not just for me but maybe somebody I know (or you know) can use some words or someone to relate to them. No more crying for a while though. That sh*t is wayyy over rated. Lol.

I’ll Be Moving On…

I’ll keep this short and sweet…
Ok… This may be long over due but I operate on my OWN terms. I think I’m FINALLY ready to let go of the past. I’m not going to go into details but just know it’s worth it. I’m an understanding and forgiving person but I’m not going to waste valuable time on something that not there. SO with THAT being said,

“I wish you well. I wish you wealth. I wish you life. I wish you health. I wish you right, cuz I aint wrong. & You the reason why I wrote this fuxxin’ song!”

Now Playing: Ghost Wridah ((Kill You In My Nightmares))

Karma...

If I don't believe in ANYthing else... I believe in Karma. Both Good & Bad. This is how I look at it.. All the things you do in life.. The WILL come back to you in one way or the other. So while you're out doing evil things and trying to ruin peoples lives or taking advantage of people so that your situation works out in your favor... Its already in the works to be returned to you. It may not happen right away, but please believe its coming. "Everything u done to me already been done to you!" LOL.
But seriously. I don't sweat anything anymore. I know everyone has their time to pay up. I've never been a bitter person or the type to hold grudges for ever because I figure, if I can forgive my mom for all the things she put me through, I can get past anything. And anyone who knows Chantel, KNOWS my character and the type of person I am. I'm not a person of multiple personalities but when you know *Me* You usually know a lot more about me & my story.
Neway... My example is: There's someone on a cliff reaching out for your help and instead of extending your arm, you just look at them and walk away. I see it happen all to often. Both personally and with people I know. In most situations, right & wrong are very easy to distinguish. Its just a matter of if you will do the right thing.

I say that to say this...
"Karma Is A Bitch.. But I Treat Her Like A Queen. Play Fair Or Get FUXXED." =)

My Night With A Maniac

Some of u may sorta know this story since I was tweeting as it was happening. But in case you’re wondering how the hell it happened… Like to hear it, here it go…

In efforts of making that “Long Kiss Goodnight” a reality, I agree to go “walk and talk”. We haven’t been face to face since about Sept/Oct. He’s usually out of the country working. I’m on my own schedule. Etc. I mean, I already knew it was gonna be some bullshit since that’s the norm but whatever, It was worth a shot. Fast Forward.. Park the car. Pizza. Cross street. Beach. So I sit on the wall & start eating my pizza. I guess I wasn’t being affectionate because someone had their boxers all in a bunch. 

Honestly, I hold no punches when it comes 2 this person. We’ll call him.. SB. The amount of things we’ve gone through surpasses things I’ve ever imagined. And this is only in the 2years that we’ve been dealing with each other. So SB decides to ask a question. I didn’t want to answer. THATS where it all started. I don’t owe ANYONE ANY explanations. So he gets all angry and says if I walk away, its gonna be for good. Was that supposed to make me want to answer the question?? #FAIL. That was fuel to my fire.

So I’m walking towards the car but I continue past the parking lot, Onto East Sunrise Blvd. I stayed on the Eastbound side so he cant pull over. *Phone rings* IGNORE (repeat 5times). I stop halfway across the bridge and take a minute to look at the scenery. Finally, I answer the phone & agree to cross over. I get in the car and we begin driving. He starts talkin shit so i keep sayin let me out. Instead of going i95 N.. He decides to go south. “I hope whatever nigga just called u finna pick u up from Down South.. & by that I mean the Grove” Then he sayin 163rd… Then he tries 2b funny & say Biscayne & 79th (–_-) So I already have somebody lined up 2scoop.

We pull over off Hallandale & i say let me out @ the RaceTrack. I jump out & walk inside. Call my cousin. *phone rings, SB Calling* IGNORE (repeat 3times) He wants me 2get back in the car. I say no & if he wants to talk he needs to come 2the front of the store. “What u think imma beat u up or something??” No that’s besides the point, this shit aint on his time. No store, no talk. He comes & guess what… YUUUP, u guessed it.. I went OFF on that ass. So as I’m BLACKIN on his life, a car pulls up & they just wait & watch & laugh. At this point I didnt even care. SB says he was gonna take me 2 his ppl house so they can see me cuz they miss me. He gets teary eyed with his cry baby ass & FINALLY I tell him I’ll get in the car if I drive. *Making our way back to Lauderdale* Words are exchanged and we get to the house. We park & I have 3 dangerous, concerned people outside. They wait. We sit. Everything is under control. I get out. He drives off.

Guys, dudes, males, men whatever… need to figure out a better way to channel their emotions & feelings. Kidnapping your ex-girlfriend is NOT the best way to go about it. Especially if you’re not even supposed 2b driving!!

At no point did I fear for my life or safety. This ninja aint stupid. I was ok. It was just aggravating as hell… as usual. If I felt some type of way, i definitely would’ve been on the phone with BSO instead of Twitter. & No.. There hasn’t been any contact since that night.

And the moral of the story is…

If U Don’t Know, Now U Know You’re Gonna Miss (My Love) & I Aint Stressin Bout A Doggone Thing Cuz I Was True When I Gave U (My Love) If U Search U Will NEVER Find Another Love Like ( My Love). You’re Gonna Miss Me. I Aint Got Time While U Sit Around & Play With (My Love).

FIN

P.S. I might’ve 4got some parts but *shrugs* ya’ll get the picture. Lol

Take 'Em To Church...

Ok.. So I've never been a deeply religious person. Yes, I've been taught to pray & give my all to God but never a "Churchy" person. There's been times where I've gone to church weekly & times I've gone to "Homecoming" and others where I didn't go at all. I feel like although a Pastor may be able to help those who are lost and need a little guidance but I know God and he knows me. I pray every night. I pray over my meals. I pray at random times of the day. I Pray. Not just when things get bad. A lot of things have gone bad in my life and I don't get mad about it and lose faith. Sometimes I'm tempted to question Him but I know better than that.

So the real question is: why do people think they are better and act all "Holier Than Thou" because the sit in church and pretend to be so God-fearing and Holy? Anybody can pretend. Those people should be the 1st to know that He already knows about u. Faking the funk. Smh. I'm not here to tell anyone they are right or wrong but just keep it real. & don't say "At least I went to church on Easter" so! Did u learn anything? Does this mean you're' better than the people who stayed home? Not at all. I guess everyone has their own way of giving thanks and praising the Lord.

People get so wrapped up in tradition that they forget what the real meaning of things are. Most "Church" holidays are synonymous with food, new things, etc. Yea, most people participate & not everyone is in it for those reasons but maybe we should all take a step back and look at it for what it really is.

Just because u don't see someone in church every week doesn't mean they're bad. Doesn't mean they don't have a relationship with God. And honestly it doesn't matter what the next man thinks. *shrugs* neways... Enough of my random rambling & ranting.

Happy Easter