Know No Better

What I don't understand is the people who deal with people KNOWING the way they behave & move then get upset after a while. If you show & tell me what it is before we get into it, I can't be upset with the things I chose to deal with. I can understand however, if you acted a certain way then did the switch up on me when we were deep in. This definitely wasn't the case. I think people (mainly females) want to be loved & taken care of so badly that they lose their self respect for a few gifts & outings. They get more bullshit & runaround than anything. 

Females get so caught up with what a dude has and the image he portrays versus what he will actually do for/with her. You can't build an empire with a ain't shit dude & a female with no backbone. I know plenty of cheap ass, flashy dudes. Dude will take pics with 100 bad bitches, be out on every VIP couch, at every event & in every designer but won't break bread. When you met him, did anything about him say "let's settle down & have a family" or "I'll leave all these girls for you"? But YOU chose to stick around & ride shotgun long enough to make yourself feel like you were above all others. Never mind that you're at home alone every night, constantly dealing with and competing with bitches. Why even subject yourself to it if all you're going to do is complain publicly and then act like it's all good? 

The icing on the cake is these girls do stupid shit like get pregnant or get things in their name and think it's going to make everything go away and magically get better. I'm sure these dudes will provide for their kids but it's probably going to take a whole lot more to make a real family out of it. I just couldn't take a person seriously who openly disrespects me & makes no effort to hide his bullshit. 

Never make your girl look stupid in front of other bitches. Ever. 

Maybe if you spent more time communicating instead of venting to social media, y'all might make some progress. Stop doing it for the likes. You make yourself look stupid. The world doesn't need to know every up & down that goes on in your "relationship".  

But who am I to "judge" or point stuff out?

Fake Happy

It's so crazy how many people get caught up in this "fake happy" stuff. By no means am I saying that you have to wear all of your problems & stress like accessories but my goodness. 

People are fake happy with so many decisions they've made. Whether it be pride, fear, desperation or whathaveyou... They do it & regret it on the inside. 

Example: I was on twitter today & someone said they liked a pic of a friend & their significant other. Then soon after the person called complaining about the situation at hand. Well, why the hell did you post it? If you're upset, be that, get it out your system & move on. Why put on? For who? 

Fake happy for the public. Miserable in private. 

People buy their way to happiness. I'd rather cry in a penthouse vs the project myself but still. At what point do you realize all of those material things can only make you smile for so long. I don't know about you but I like to share my happiness with others. Why the hell would I want to jetski alone all the time? Eat alone? Only shop for myself? Then again, everyone doesn't really care to make sure those around them are in good spirits too. 

People stay at a bullshit job because they've become used to the workload, scheduling etc but hate it. Yet & still, they come in with a fake smile & stay put. Why not look for something more fulfilling? Something at least you're semi interested in.

People turn the cold shoulder to those who are genuinely there for them but their pride won't let them resolve it & be happy. Instead they play fake happy while wishing they were still around. 

People stay in relationships just to make it look good. Make it look like they've accomplished something more. Don't weigh me down. I don't want to weigh you down.

People restart old fires just because it's already a place in the grass for it to sit. Not everyone is meant to make it back across that bridge. Not everyone deserves a paddle. 

People want what others seem to have not knowing the real. Not everyone with money is happy. Look at the suicide & legal trouble rates of people with money. So many people in relationships they wish they could escape. Live your life the best YOU can. Can't base your decisions on the moves, opinions & pockets of others. When the lights go out & you're in that room alone, just you & your thought... It will eat you alive. 

Life is filled with luck, blessings, misfortunes, heartache etc. Take it in your stride & make sure there is a lesson learned. 

Find your happy place.

Don't let Fake Happy destroy the real potential that you have to be happy. If that means learning how to be alone, work it out. It'll be worth it. 

They Don't Know

Don't even remember how we ended up here. One minute drinks are flowing & the next, we're on the balcony overlooking the city - naked. What the fck is happening here? It's wrong, right? Wrong. It's not like we just met. We know each other. We speak in public. And even if it was, it's too late. It's done. I see a light. I peek back & grin. The breeze feels good. This view from the penthouse is good. Everything is good. No telling who's looking but if they are, let's give them a show. Ain't no walk of shame coming soon. I stay the night. We lay there & sleep. I finally wake up like "oh shit, I have to leave". I'm sure this won't be the last time. Rico Love couldn't have dropped "They Don't Know" at a better time. We see each other out and we just say "what's up" & keep it moving. If they ever found out... I probably still wouldn't care but for now, let it play as is. 

The Married Man

When you meet people, you naturally don't assume that they're married. After the first few conversations, you can kinda figure can it out if it hasn't been announced. No? Well in this case, it wasn't like that. 

Miami Beach Fall 2011

Lap Dance Tuesdays used to be one of the best nights in Miami. Spur of the moment night, we decided to reserve a table. It was only 2 of us but we had so much fun. The guys next to us were having a good time as well and one on particular kept making his way over to me. We watched the pole competition & ended up dancing for the later part of the night. He was flying back to overseas in the morning but we exchanged BBM pins and went out separate ways. 

The communication was constant. He was a nice dude but what the hell am I supposed to do with somebody who lives between London and Nigeria with occasional trips to the USA? 

A few months later:

I get a text with an itinerary. He's coming back to the states. Miami is a few days away & he wants to hang out. I was off so I get to Fontainebleau and go upstairs. The lights are out except for the bathroom and the tv. He asks if I want to order something & insists on ordering a bottle of champagne. We finish it and he goes to get ready for dinner. Cecconi's it is. He invited my friend (who is nearby) and I but I use that as my excuse to leave. We go our separate ways And I wish him safe travels for his flight. 

*insert communication here* 

Time goes by, we speak occasionally. He asks me to advance our "friendship" and suggests that I be apart of his company as a liaison between the east coast and Nigeria. It required me to travel etc so I considered the option but politely declined. 

Recently: I get a text. He's planning a business meeting in the states and will have a few days to play around with. Ok cool. Maybe I'll be around, maybe I won't. I get an email.. 

It's his WIFE. Where the hell did he get a wife from? Why was she never mentioned? This is part of the "exchange". 

Having a wife changes things. I wouldn't knowingly deal with a married man. IF I ever decided to, he would definitely deserve to get a run for his money. 

Fast forward: he arrives in Miami. Apparently, I'm supposed to be at Cameo. I stand him up. I'm good bro. 

Another reason why "Niggas Ain't Shit"..

Best Sex Ever

So, a friend and I ended up at lunch last week with a pretty cool (and well known) person and his friends. It was just a beautiful day around cool people. At some point during it all, the topic of sex came up. No in an x-rated, “let’s leave here” way but more so in an inquisitive sense. Everyone there had a few years on us so I guess it was kind of informative on our parts (at least speaking for myself it was). He asked at what age, where at, things along those lines. Also, if there was ever a case where you HAD to be drunk in order to have sex with a person. Personally, I don’t want to HAVE to get drunk. That basically means you don’t want to (or you’re a prostitute). Don’t get me wrong, drunk sex is pretty fun but not sloppy drunk sex. Just enough to push you along, if need be. Then came the “do you remember the best sex you’ve ever had?” question. For the first time, in a long time, I was stuck. I thought about it and after a few seconds he yelled out, “NOPE! You took too long”. I laughed but then I really sat there thinking, “what was the best sex I've ever had?”. Was it a drunken night? Was it a tie? Seriously. When? Where? Who? I’ve had some pretty damn good days/nights but I couldn’t come up with the ONE that I’ll never, ever forget because it was that damn good. So now, almost a week later, I’m still thinking. LOL DAMMIT!

This cant be life.

New beginnings...

When I stopped looking for it, it found me.
When I closed my eyes to embrace the darkness, the light came through.
When I stopped thinking about them, I fell for you.
So many wells have run dry. All of these years flew by.
Standing still on an 8 lane highway.
Traffic going & coming.
Yet I'm still. Not running.
Before it all became, it was.
Was useless.
Was stressful.
Was pointless.
Was regretful.
Now? I love it.
I earned it.
I deserve it.
We deserve this.
Those around me stepped back. Faded to black.
But I guess it's now mutual.
These barren crops became so fruitful.
Love.
I'm almost certain that what it is.
I'm pretty sure that's what it will be.
Growing. Progressing. Let us love & accept this blessing.
Be driven. Be motivated.
Be in love. Be together.
Forget the opposition. The questions.
The doubters.
Understand the purpose. Prove it's worth it.

Tainted

Love once so innocent. So pure. So genuine.

Now so tainted. So evil. So detrimental.

Much of a burden.

All love isn't “good love”. I don’t need THAT love.

Let me live. Let me breathe. Let me prosper & be happy.

Please.

Love like life depends on it.

It does. Just not ours.

Something we’ve longed for & never wanted to forget.

Something so powerful. Moving mountains was a breeze.

Sudden change.

Air turned still. Nights got cold. Skies turned gray.

Prepare for this storm.

Feels the wrath.

No love like that of a Wo(man) scorned.

You don’t always get what you put in or what you want.

But you WILL get something, nonetheless.

Lessons may be the greatest.

When we walk away from each other, don’t make this hard.

Don’t kill me. I don’t want to die.

Just as those before & after me, let me live.

Move on & keep moving.

Become idle at your own risk.

Lets not blame. Lets not point. Lets love..

Lets love someone other than each other.

Let me love me first.

Priority.

Tainted as can be, I’ll still love after you as I did before.

Just one step closer to the one who was made for me.

Have I already met my match or is that who is coming up behind you?

Don’t block my view.

Let me live.

So tainted yet the next one wont pay for your mistakes.

Love.